The Devil is in the Details

So Plan C (or B.5) was finally underway...sort of.

We had decided where the walls and the door would be (unfortunately, they were two separate things) so all that was left now was the details: color of paint, tiles for the floor, color of grout. The little things that cause me to break out in hives and have sleepless nights.

First things first...the tile for the floor and the cabinets. For that, I paid a visit to a home design center. And this is where my migraine began.

Foolishly, I imagined that designing the shape of the actual room and placement of the door had been the hard part. Not even close. It was nothing compared to the nightmare that awaited me here.

The first challenge was getting the right kind of cabinets. It started out innocuously enough. I explained what I wanted to the woman at the custom cabinet desk (mostly because it was the first desk I saw that was being manned). Twice. Finally, she seemed to get a handle on what I was saying...and referred me to the kitchen department.

Saleslady: So you are designing a kitchen.
Me: Not exactly a kitchen. A small basement room with our spare refrigerator.
SL: And what else?
Me: Nothing. I just need some cabinets and shelves on either side for storage.
SL: So it's a kitchen.
Me: Okay.
SL: What else is there besides the fridge? What is the purpose of the room?
Me: To hold the spare fridge and extra dishes.
SL: But what are you using the room for?
Me: Nothing specific. It's just a room for the fridge and extra dishes.
SL: But what will you be doing in the room?
Me: I don't know. Walking through it. Getting stuff out of the fridge. Storing extra dishes.
SL: So, it's not really a kitchen.
Me: No. Again, it's just a small room for the extra fridge and storage.
SL: So the purpose of the room is what? What will you be doing in it?

Wait. Was I Abbot or Costello here? Which one of us was supposed to say, "third base!"?

After a few more minutes of this routine, it was decided that what I really needed was a different department (or at least a different sales associate), so I was taken back over to the custom cabinet desk. Uh oh. This didn't look good.

Original Saleslady: So what is the purpose of this room?

I was not going through this again. Gritting my teeth(or what was left of them after grinding them for the last fifteen minutes), I explained in words of one syllable that there was no purpose to the room. It was not a kitchen, a bathroom, a mudroom, a bedroom, a sundeck, a living room or a dining room. I was building a room with no definite purpose, or use, except to hide the junk that was cluttering the rest of my basement, just for the fun of it. No one, at any time, in the history of the world, would be in this room for any reason whatsoever. Forget the fridge, forget the dishes, forget everything except that I wanted cabinets and shelves against one wall. Now, were they going to be able to help me or should I give the bathroom department a shot at raising my blood pressure next?

SL: Oh, so you just want cabinets and shelves for storage, with your fridge in the middle. Like a wall unit or built-ins in a kitchen?
Me: Yes! (finally)
SL: Oh, we can't do that here. I have to send someone out to your house to measure and draw up a plan. How is next Monday? You can choose the wood and the finish from the samples he'll bring. And you are all here because...???

Okay, I was not going to leap across the desk and strangle her no matter how badly I wanted to. Besides, I could almost hear how it would play out in court: But what was the purpose of the room? I would end up in jail for sure after hurdling the table to get to the judge.

Mentally counting to one thousand (ten was not nearly enough), and walking around the store to try and lower my blood pressure to the medium risk stroke range, I headed over to the tile section.

Looking at the eight million styles, colors and types, I went to the desk to ask for some help (apparently, I hadn't learned my lesson. Either that, or I was a glutton for punishment). Once again, it started off fine. The guy there explained that there were many different types of tiles: porcelain, ceramic, terra cotta. Or maybe what I really wanted was a wood floor. It all depended on the purpose of the room........