So last week I wrote of my experience with Comcast, and much to my surprise, I was contacted by them (see comment by anonymous). Apparently, they "twitter" their name to see who has reached their limit and is blogging about them (my guess...90 percent of their customers).
After checking to make sure it was legit, I did contact their "We Can Help" people who called me back three days later (gee, hope they didn't break a sweat rushing to help) to assure me that everything was now fine with my account since I had re-registered for automatic payments.
Okay...and since this was already done last week, you are helping me how exactly?
But, as long as the matter was cleared up, I was prepared to be forgiving.
And then they went and did it again. They sent me a paper bill and killed all the warm, fuzzy (all right--tepid and slightly hairy) feelings that were beginning to take root in my heart.
Now, mind you, this was not a bill for the account that I had been "helped" with. This was a bill for a second account we have in Tim's name. This account had been signed up for automatic payment and ecco bill for over a year. Hmmmm. So now they were trying to push me over the edge by screwing up both of our accounts. Good plan. Why not just wait until I am having a bad hair day also and attack my phone account as well?
After several deep breaths and a longing glance at the liquor cabinet, the red haze slowly began to clear from in front of my eyes, and I looked more closely at the bill. It wasn't actually a bill, but a statement saying that the amount owed was going to be paid by debiting my bank account, and thanking me for enrolling in the program.
Oh, really. Well that would be a neat trick since I hadn't ever enrolled in the debit program. I had signed up for automatic payment with my credit card, but I had never, ever given them my banking information.
Debating whether I should take a Valium before or after placing the call, I once again dialed a number that, regrettably, I know better than my own, and punched the appropriate number of buttons so that I might speak to an actual person. ( for anyone who is interested, the code is 1,2,1,1,4)
First question: Why are you sending me a paper statement?
Answer: We are doing it because of legal issues. People who signed up for the ecco bill are complaining that they (A.can't, B.won't, C.don't know how--pick one, the guy actually used all three) to access their bill online.
Question: So, even though I am signed up for the ecco bill, I will get a paper statement?
Answer: Yes, but don't worry, it's not just you. I get one too.
Oh, that makes me feel much better. And you're still calling it an "ecco bill"? Way to reduce the carbon footprint.
Second question: Why am I being told that I am signed up for the debit program? Because I have to tell you, that when you try to take money out of my account, you're going to find you have a major problem, since you don't have access to it.
Answer: Ummmmm.
Question: Can you access my account information? Because it should say that I am enrolled in the automatic payment program using my credit card.
Answer: Oh. Yeah. Well, actually it says you have not been enrolled in any program to pay, ever.
I mentally counted to ten, but it didn't help. I still wanted to explode, only I was ten seconds closer and more aggravated.
Question: Are you looking at my account now? Yes? Okay, do you see the payment history?
Answer: Oh, yes. I guess you were enrolled. Let me look into this. Can I put you on hold?
Sure. What's another hour or two between friends?
Several mind-numbingly boring minutes of listening to muzak later, he came back on the line and told me that I shouldn't worry about it because it was just the way they worded the letter. Even though it said debit, it really meant automatic payment.
Oh, okay. So maybe I shouldn't worry about the money I owe you either, because even though it says I owe it, maybe it really means that I have that as a credit? Yeah, I'm going to need a better explanation than that.
Another stint on hold.
And the final answer is: They just don't know why I was sent that statement, but I am definitely signed up for the automatic payment. Now. So everything will be okay. Now. And I won't get any more statements. Now.
Yea, and I'll believe that. For now. Until I get the next letter or call. In the meantime, I think I'll just investigate Direct TV.
Oh, and Comcast people who will be reading this? Please. Don't help. I can't waste any more time on the phone listening to Blue Bayou.
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