One of the things Tim insisted on when we moved into our new house was a wine cellar. He planned and plotted for where it would go, how many bottles it would hold, the type of cooling unit it would have, etc.etc.etc.
Then it became my problem. (Although in fairness, I have drunk my share of the wine.) Guys arriving to put in the shelving, lighting, countertops, trim? No problem. Ann will be there between the hours of 6am and 10pm. Three days in a row for sixteen weeks? Sure. She's totally free. Yep. No danger of her having a life.
And guess who transported each and every bottle of wine, all 824 thousillion of them? And who had to categorize and shelve them? And who had to listen to complaints because they didn't know what to do with some of them and created new categories like: "Wine Ann Doesn't Know" or "Labels Written in Languages Ann Can't Read" or "Bottles Ann is Sick of Shelving, So They Go...Here"?
But my favorite part of our new cellar was when the cooling unit stopped working. (For those keeping score, that's : two-year old house--broken hot water heater, broken shower, broken cooler vs us--going broke fixing broken appliances.
Now, who do you call for a broken cooler? An electrician? Nope. It's beneath them said the 4000 I called. Small appliance repair person? Who is the manufacturer, they wanted to know. Nope. Don't/won't deal with them said the 8000 I called. Heating/cooling people? Nope. Wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole, said the 20,000 I called. Plumber? Carpenter? Builder? Butcher? Baker? Candle-stick Maker? I was running out of service people!
Then it dawned on me. Go to a wine store and ask who they use. Great idea. Except it wasn't. I have never seen people so stymied by a question before. Huh? What? Who?
Who. Do. You. Use. When. You. Need. Repairs? Maybe I had confused them by assuming they knew where they worked and what a cooling unit was.
"What kind of wine do you have?" they wanted to know.
Does it matter? Will you recommend someone different if I say red vs. white wine? Well, red is usually more full-bodied and earthy, so you should call this number...
Back to square one.
I looked up the unit on the internet and found a number in California which I called.
"Sorry," said the guy who answered, "all of our people are at lunch, so you'll have to call back in two hours. Oh, and we leave at 4 our time."
Ooops. My bad. I'll call back during the one hour a day that your 'people' actually work!
When I finally reached them, they basically told me there was no-one I could call. There were no authorized dealers, distributors, repair people, etc outside of the place I was calling. However, all was not lost. I could run a diagnostic, they would send me the part and I could fix it myself.
Congratulations! You've taken customer service to a whole new level. Maybe after I've repaired the cooler, I could rebuild the transmission in my car, put a new roof on the house and then, for my encore, perform some elective surgery on myself.
Unfortunately, they were pretty firm on this whole do-it-yourself thing, so I ordered the part, which they said would arrive in a few days.
"It's easy. You just take parts A thru X, line up the doo-hickeys, unclip the thing-a-ma-jigs, power up the whats-its and attach the wotcha-ma-call-its," the guy offered encouragingly....four times.
Yeah. You can tell me four thousand times, but since you haven't even mailed the part out yet, YOU"RE NOT HELPING!!!
True to their word, the part arrived in a few days. forty-eight to be precise. With a diagram, but no actual directions.
Gamely, we tried to install the new control panel ourselves. It was sort of like playing Operation. Blindfolded. With both hands tied behind your back. While treading water.
Seriously, the panel and wires were tucked into such a small, dark, inaccessible place, it was near impossible. Actually, it was impossible.
We threw ourselves on our builder's mercy and he got an electrician to come out and try installing this 'easy' panel. And try. And try. And try.
Finally though, success! The unit started humming along, blowing nice cool air. Until an hour after the electrician left. Then it broke down once more.
I'm now looking into ice delivery.
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