When I was little, I read a story called "The Lady or the Tiger" in which a young man had to choose one of two doors to open. Behind one was a beautiful woman whom he would immediately wed. Behind the other, a half-starved, man-eating tiger. This week, Verizon was that young man, and they were about to poke the tiger.
Two weeks ago when we lost our phone service, I called Verizon and was told the soonest they could send someone out would be the following Thursday between 8am and 5pm.
Thursday, I received a pre-recorded message saying that regrettably, they were unable to keep the scheduled appointment and would have to reschedule for Friday between 8am and 5pm. They knew my time was valuable, so please make sure that someone was home for the technician in case they needed to get into the house. Honestly, they didn't sound the least bit regretful. Poke, poke.
Nor did it seem like they valued my time if they expected me to sit around for two full days waiting for someone who never showed up.
That's nine hours each day, eighteen hours total that I was supposed to become a prisoner under house arrest by Verizon. 1080 minutes that I obviously had nothing better to do with my time than sit arount waiting for the doorbell to ring and God help me if I happened to be in the bathroom at the time because then they would have to reschedule! Which they did anyway. Poke, poke, poke.
At 5:15 when they failed to show up or even call this time, I called them, and, after yelling, "Agent" into the phone two dozen times, I got to speak with Cherize. She tried to placate me by telling me that the technician was still out, they worked until 7, so my repair would still be done...probably. So why was I told 8-5? What happened if I left at 5 and they came out at, say, 5:01? Did I have to reschedule, or did they come down the chimney like Santa, repair my phone, eat my cookies and hot cocoa and then ascend back up the chimney?
I demanded to speak to a supervisor.
Not even bothering to conceal her relief at getting rid of me, Cherize informed me that she would have one of them call me back within two hours. Pardon me? Call me back? Was she kidding?!!? How many people's lives was Verizon screwing up that a whole team of supervisors was going to be tied up for the next two hours with disgruntled customers? That has to be some kind of record. Big poke.
Well, evidently, they were more screwed up than Cherize realized, because three hours later, I still hadn't been called back. It actually took three days for the supervisor to call me back. But I get ahead of myself.
Friday night, I called back, again, and got someone even less helpful than Cherize, who told me that all the supervisors had gone home for the day.
Gritting my teeth, I asked what hours the supervisors worked. She didn't know.
Well, if she didn't kmow what their hours were, how did she know they'd all gone home? Uh....
Furthermore, if there were no supervisors, who was in charge? Who did she call in case of emergency? Umm...the dispatcher?
So you have a dispatcher who is in charge? No.
Then why would you call her? Because it says to.
Fine. Let me speak to the dispatcher. I can't
Why? I'm supposed to say that a supervisor will call you back.
But they won't. So let me speak to the dispatcher.
They're not in charge. Then who is in charge? Umm...
And so we came full circle. I eventually had to give up, but not before Janelle was as frustated as I was. Huge poke.
By Saturday, I no longer believed anyone would show up, ever, and I was right. At 3:39, I again got the pre-recorded, "we're sorry but... So I called, and this time, wonder of wonders, I actually got a supervisor (a mistake on their part, I'm sure).
No, we were still scheduled for Saturday, she assured me. Then why did I get the recorded message? She didn't know(go figure). Maybe she knew why I'd been bumped for the last three days? Medical emergencies. Really? That many, huh? Fine. I have a medical emergency. If my phone is not fixed, MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE!!!!! Is that enough of a medical emergency for you?
Apparently, it wasn't, because not only didn't anyone show up on Saturday, they never even scheduled us for Sunday, and when I looked up our trouble ticket online, I found we had been rescheduled for Tuesday!!! Arrgh!!! Enormous, humungous poke.
Monday morning, bright and early, I was once again on the phone. By now, I had talked to Larry, Moe, Curley, Dopey, Unhelpful and Cranky, but I was undaunted.
This new operator told me that I was definitely having my phone repaired that day . Yeah, I'm sure the guy was going to show up...right after Elvis stopped by for a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich.
No, no, she assured me. This was the first day a work ticket actually went out, so we really were on the schedule. The next sound she heard was a loud pop as my head finally exploded.
At 5:30, as I was putting away groceries (no way was I sitting home one more minute), a guy from Verizon knocked on my door. Was it actually the repair guy coming to restore our service? No. It was a member of the sales team canvassing the neighborhood offering a special promotion if we would switch our cable and internet to Verizon along with our phone service.
Guess who he found behind the door. The Lady or the Tiger?
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Out Of Touch
Within the last two weeks, I have had issues with pretty much every single communications device I own.
First, it was my blackberry. I never saw it coming. We had just celebrated our first anniversary in June, and I thought everything was fine.
Oh, sure, we'd been having some problems lately. The battery wasn't holding a charge quite like it should, the wheel was a little slow to respond at times, and, okay, so maybe I wasn't getting my messages in a timely fashion any more. But, hey, nobody's perfect.
I tried to overlook these things. After all, we'd been around the world together and had shared so many memories. Our first trip to London and the search for a phone store after the sales woman had put the SYM card in backwards. Our trip to China where it did double duty as both my alarm clock and my only link to Tim who was in India. Our many, many hours of playing BrickBreaker while Tim was busy talking to everyone in the world besides me while we were at dinner/the beach/the pool, in a car/plane/boat. Ahhh. Good times.
But alas, all good things must come to an end, and ours finally came two weeks ago when I dropped my beloved blackberry and watched in horror as the rollarball bounced across the floor after the wheel cracked in two.
Numbly, I gathered up the pieces with trembling fingers while I tried to stifle the wail of despair that had gathered in my throat. Devastated at the thought of losing my dear companion, I sought immediate medical attention with someone who has been through more blackberries in a year than pairs of socks in a lifetime...Tim.
With bated breath, I watched as he managed to snap the pieces back on, but I knew it was only a temporary reprieve. A week later, I had to bow to the inevitable and replace my blackberry...which was easier said than done.
The first three stores did not carry the same model, and, since I have a contract, they could only replace my model with the exact same one...unless I wanted to pay $300. Uh, gee, no thanks.
The fourth store didn't have my model either, but if I waited two months, I could get the newest model which they heard was gonna be real cool. Just like the iphone, only better because it was made by them. Oh, sure, wait two months? No problem. Just give me your phone in the meantime. No? You don't want to be without a phone for two months? Wow. Imagine that!
Finally, I drove downtown (which I really, really, really hate to do) and got a replacement. Without any of my information able to be transferred. Without the ability to send text messages. Which I did not discover until I left the store and was on my way to Pennsylvania.
And so, the following week, I had to go back downtown (did I mention that I really, really, really hate to go there?) and have them fix my new blackberry, which also has a slow wheel and can't hold a decent charge. We were not off to a good start.
While this was going on, I was also having my little "issue" with Verizon (and no, we still don't have service).
And, as if all this wasn't bad enough, my computer is also in critical condition. Even my sister couldn't patch it up, although she spent most of one weekend trying.
The screen has a blue/green line running down the center, the CD drive won't work anymore, every time I use it, I get an error message and, even though I've clicked "report error" until my finger is ready to fall off, microsoft doesn't really care ( I actually think this is just a placebo message, and the only place a message is sent is to the recycle bin). Oh, and it is slower than dial-up. As a matter of fact, I believe pony express would be a faster way to deliver and receive information.
I don't want to do it, especially not so soon after losing my blackberry, but I know I'm going to have to put it out of it's misery. After all, it is over five years old, which is like one thousand in computer years. It has been my good and faithful companion as I learned to surf the net, do a power point presentation and download music for my itunes library. It is keeper of all my information...names, addresses, phone numbers, pictures, videos and documents.
Two dear friends in as many weeks. I may never recover. (Sob!)
And did I mention, I still don't have service for our house phone?
First, it was my blackberry. I never saw it coming. We had just celebrated our first anniversary in June, and I thought everything was fine.
Oh, sure, we'd been having some problems lately. The battery wasn't holding a charge quite like it should, the wheel was a little slow to respond at times, and, okay, so maybe I wasn't getting my messages in a timely fashion any more. But, hey, nobody's perfect.
I tried to overlook these things. After all, we'd been around the world together and had shared so many memories. Our first trip to London and the search for a phone store after the sales woman had put the SYM card in backwards. Our trip to China where it did double duty as both my alarm clock and my only link to Tim who was in India. Our many, many hours of playing BrickBreaker while Tim was busy talking to everyone in the world besides me while we were at dinner/the beach/the pool, in a car/plane/boat. Ahhh. Good times.
But alas, all good things must come to an end, and ours finally came two weeks ago when I dropped my beloved blackberry and watched in horror as the rollarball bounced across the floor after the wheel cracked in two.
Numbly, I gathered up the pieces with trembling fingers while I tried to stifle the wail of despair that had gathered in my throat. Devastated at the thought of losing my dear companion, I sought immediate medical attention with someone who has been through more blackberries in a year than pairs of socks in a lifetime...Tim.
With bated breath, I watched as he managed to snap the pieces back on, but I knew it was only a temporary reprieve. A week later, I had to bow to the inevitable and replace my blackberry...which was easier said than done.
The first three stores did not carry the same model, and, since I have a contract, they could only replace my model with the exact same one...unless I wanted to pay $300. Uh, gee, no thanks.
The fourth store didn't have my model either, but if I waited two months, I could get the newest model which they heard was gonna be real cool. Just like the iphone, only better because it was made by them. Oh, sure, wait two months? No problem. Just give me your phone in the meantime. No? You don't want to be without a phone for two months? Wow. Imagine that!
Finally, I drove downtown (which I really, really, really hate to do) and got a replacement. Without any of my information able to be transferred. Without the ability to send text messages. Which I did not discover until I left the store and was on my way to Pennsylvania.
And so, the following week, I had to go back downtown (did I mention that I really, really, really hate to go there?) and have them fix my new blackberry, which also has a slow wheel and can't hold a decent charge. We were not off to a good start.
While this was going on, I was also having my little "issue" with Verizon (and no, we still don't have service).
And, as if all this wasn't bad enough, my computer is also in critical condition. Even my sister couldn't patch it up, although she spent most of one weekend trying.
The screen has a blue/green line running down the center, the CD drive won't work anymore, every time I use it, I get an error message and, even though I've clicked "report error" until my finger is ready to fall off, microsoft doesn't really care ( I actually think this is just a placebo message, and the only place a message is sent is to the recycle bin). Oh, and it is slower than dial-up. As a matter of fact, I believe pony express would be a faster way to deliver and receive information.
I don't want to do it, especially not so soon after losing my blackberry, but I know I'm going to have to put it out of it's misery. After all, it is over five years old, which is like one thousand in computer years. It has been my good and faithful companion as I learned to surf the net, do a power point presentation and download music for my itunes library. It is keeper of all my information...names, addresses, phone numbers, pictures, videos and documents.
Two dear friends in as many weeks. I may never recover. (Sob!)
And did I mention, I still don't have service for our house phone?
Friday, October 3, 2008
Have A Nice Day
Two days ago, I spotted a Verizon truck in our neighborhood...and we have not had service since.
It started innocently enough. First, there was intermittent static on the line. I blamed the cordless phone that I had left out in the rain. I switched phones. Static was still there. I tried the land line. Static was still there. I blamed the weather conditions outside and waited to see if it was cleared up by yesterday morning. Nope. Still had static. Only now, there was no dial tone either.
So I called Verizon(on my cell phone).
Like everyone else these days, they have an automated system. Now, I always swore that I would not use a computer until it could talk to me like on Star Trek. That day has arrived. A calm, pleasant sounding woman's voice asked me a series of questions that required yes or no answers.
Yes, I wanted the English version. No, I didn't have a question about my billing. Yes, I was calling about a problem with my phone. No, it was not the number I was calling from (duh). Yes, I wanted it fixed (double duh). No, I did not have a dog or locked fence which would present a problem. Yes, I wanted to schedule an appointment(duh again). No, I did not want them to text me updates on the status of my order which I would be charged for (and I'm not paying for days I have no service either, so there. I volunteered that bit of info on my own, but it didn't seem to mean anything to her). Yes, I wanted them to call me the day before the guy came out. (And, yes, my patience was coming to an end).
Before I had a meltdown though (funny, I don't remember the computer on Star Trek being nearly this annoying), Ms. Verizon told me that she would put me on the schedule for a service visit. But first.....
Had I checked to see that it wasn't our phone in the house? I should go around and plug each phone into a different jack to make sure it wasn't the phone. Then, if I still had the problem, I should find the box where the line comes into the house, take a screwdriver, take off the cover and check to see if the problem is there. Oh, but don't do this if it is raining or thundering and lightening. That could be dangerous. YA THINK???
Okay, so basically, after twenty minutes of trying to get someone whose job it is to come out and fix a problem which I'm pretty sure they caused in the first place, I am now supposed to strap on a tool belt and fix it myself to save them the trouble. And what happens if the problem isn't here? Will I then find myself up a pole wearing a hardhat and leather gloves? And am I supposed to do all this while I put them on hold, or should I call back and watch another twenty minutes of my life go down the drain?
Apparently, the automated system doesn't understand when you add a few expletives in with the yes and no answers. They switched me to a live person.
"Donna" (names have been changed to protect the stupid), wanted to know what number I was calling about. Then, I had to verify the name and address on the account to make sure it was really me (do they actually have people who are trying to scam them into fixing other people's phones?). Ms. Verizon hadn't made me do that, but I wasn't about to waste more time questioning someone who probably didn't know the answer anyway and didn't understand sarcasm.
She tried to lead me through the same series of yes and no questions I had already answered, so I cut to the chase: My phone isn't working and I want someone to come out and FIX MY PHONE!!!!! And, no, I am not going to the mainframe and repairing it myself.
Wisely, she moved on. Okay, the first available service tech could come next Thursday. Next Thursday? Next Thursday? As in one week from now? Are you serious? She was serious.
Begging and pleading didn't get me an appointment any sooner either. Neither did telling her that this was the reason why everybody hated the phone company and they were losing customers to Comcast. Or that it was their fault to begin with since we hadn't had any problems before their guy worked in the neighborhood the day before. Apparently, this was nothing she hadn't heard before.
Resigning myself to my fate, I refused her offer of a text message to let me know the status of my job(what is it with these people, do they not charge us enough to use the phone as it is?) and gave her a number where they could reach me if they could come out sooner.
"Is that your home phone or cell?" she asked.
"Seriously?" I asked incredulously. "Do you get why I am calling? It's because my home phone is NOT WORKING!!! If you could call me on my home phone, we would not be having this conversation."
Well, was there another number they could reach me at?
Why? Were you planning to screw up my cell phone too since that is also on the Verizon network?
Then, after a five minute disclaimer on how if the problem wasn't with the mainframe, they would have to charge me for the visit (oh, what a shocker. You've figured out another way to get more money out of me. Tell me, what is the cost difference between having your guy fix it as opposed to me fixing it myself? Is there any difference? I'm guessing there isn't.), she wished me a good day.
Too late.
It started innocently enough. First, there was intermittent static on the line. I blamed the cordless phone that I had left out in the rain. I switched phones. Static was still there. I tried the land line. Static was still there. I blamed the weather conditions outside and waited to see if it was cleared up by yesterday morning. Nope. Still had static. Only now, there was no dial tone either.
So I called Verizon(on my cell phone).
Like everyone else these days, they have an automated system. Now, I always swore that I would not use a computer until it could talk to me like on Star Trek. That day has arrived. A calm, pleasant sounding woman's voice asked me a series of questions that required yes or no answers.
Yes, I wanted the English version. No, I didn't have a question about my billing. Yes, I was calling about a problem with my phone. No, it was not the number I was calling from (duh). Yes, I wanted it fixed (double duh). No, I did not have a dog or locked fence which would present a problem. Yes, I wanted to schedule an appointment(duh again). No, I did not want them to text me updates on the status of my order which I would be charged for (and I'm not paying for days I have no service either, so there. I volunteered that bit of info on my own, but it didn't seem to mean anything to her). Yes, I wanted them to call me the day before the guy came out. (And, yes, my patience was coming to an end).
Before I had a meltdown though (funny, I don't remember the computer on Star Trek being nearly this annoying), Ms. Verizon told me that she would put me on the schedule for a service visit. But first.....
Had I checked to see that it wasn't our phone in the house? I should go around and plug each phone into a different jack to make sure it wasn't the phone. Then, if I still had the problem, I should find the box where the line comes into the house, take a screwdriver, take off the cover and check to see if the problem is there. Oh, but don't do this if it is raining or thundering and lightening. That could be dangerous. YA THINK???
Okay, so basically, after twenty minutes of trying to get someone whose job it is to come out and fix a problem which I'm pretty sure they caused in the first place, I am now supposed to strap on a tool belt and fix it myself to save them the trouble. And what happens if the problem isn't here? Will I then find myself up a pole wearing a hardhat and leather gloves? And am I supposed to do all this while I put them on hold, or should I call back and watch another twenty minutes of my life go down the drain?
Apparently, the automated system doesn't understand when you add a few expletives in with the yes and no answers. They switched me to a live person.
"Donna" (names have been changed to protect the stupid), wanted to know what number I was calling about. Then, I had to verify the name and address on the account to make sure it was really me (do they actually have people who are trying to scam them into fixing other people's phones?). Ms. Verizon hadn't made me do that, but I wasn't about to waste more time questioning someone who probably didn't know the answer anyway and didn't understand sarcasm.
She tried to lead me through the same series of yes and no questions I had already answered, so I cut to the chase: My phone isn't working and I want someone to come out and FIX MY PHONE!!!!! And, no, I am not going to the mainframe and repairing it myself.
Wisely, she moved on. Okay, the first available service tech could come next Thursday. Next Thursday? Next Thursday? As in one week from now? Are you serious? She was serious.
Begging and pleading didn't get me an appointment any sooner either. Neither did telling her that this was the reason why everybody hated the phone company and they were losing customers to Comcast. Or that it was their fault to begin with since we hadn't had any problems before their guy worked in the neighborhood the day before. Apparently, this was nothing she hadn't heard before.
Resigning myself to my fate, I refused her offer of a text message to let me know the status of my job(what is it with these people, do they not charge us enough to use the phone as it is?) and gave her a number where they could reach me if they could come out sooner.
"Is that your home phone or cell?" she asked.
"Seriously?" I asked incredulously. "Do you get why I am calling? It's because my home phone is NOT WORKING!!! If you could call me on my home phone, we would not be having this conversation."
Well, was there another number they could reach me at?
Why? Were you planning to screw up my cell phone too since that is also on the Verizon network?
Then, after a five minute disclaimer on how if the problem wasn't with the mainframe, they would have to charge me for the visit (oh, what a shocker. You've figured out another way to get more money out of me. Tell me, what is the cost difference between having your guy fix it as opposed to me fixing it myself? Is there any difference? I'm guessing there isn't.), she wished me a good day.
Too late.
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