Cable and Internet and E-mail, Oh My!

My parents have recently decided to give the whole retirement thing a shot, and are renting a place for the winter in Florida. Kind of like a test run (my sister, brother and I are making book on whether this little experiment will end in murder, suicide or divorce. Right now, the smart money is saying divorce by the middle of December, although we can't rule out the possibility of death completely.)

One of the many details that needed to be taken care of prior to the move was their cable/internet. Since the condo they are staying in comes with cable, my mother contacted Comcast and suspended their service at home, not realizing that while she wouldn't need cable, she would still need the internet service to get her e-mail.

Since it seemed like it would just be easier to take care of this myself than explain it to her for the 100th time, I offered to call Comcast and get it straightened out. Big mistake.

Here is how it went:
I dialed the 800 number, pressed 1 for English, pressed 2 for internet, pressed 2 again, listened to a commercial, listened to another pitch regarding billing, listened to them give me the number to call to reach them (duh! How could I be listening to this message unless I had just dialed that number?), entered my phone number, finally got a real person on the line, told them what I needed to do and...

They told me that my call had gone to the office of the state I was calling from. What I needed to do was call the office in Pennsylvania and talk to them, since that is where my parent's had the cable service. And so they transfered my call...back to the main 800 number.

I pressed 1 for English, pressed 2 for internet, pressed 2 again, listened to a commercial, listened to....well, you get the picture, except this time, I entered my parent's phone number and spoke with someone in Pennsylvania who told me that they could not help me, because what I needed to to was call the office in Florida and talk with them since that is where my parent's needed the service. And so they transfered my call...back to the 800 number.

I pressed 1 for English, pressed 2 for internet, pressed 2 again...but when I had to enter the number, I was in trouble. I didn't have a phone number for them in Florida, but the PA guy said I could just punch in the zip code which I did have. Turns out that was not an option. (Perhaps he was just trying to get rid of me?). Anyway, ten minutes later, I ended up back in Virginia.

I tried reasoning with the operator(after I had pressed 1, 2,2 and so on...again). They were all the same company. Surely, they must have the number for the office down in Florida. Maybe they could even (dare I suggest it?!) transfer me directly to that office and bypass the 800 number?

Apparently not. Their advice? Get a Florida phone book, pick any number at random from the city they lived in and enter that to talk to the Florida office (Naturally, I had to point out that if I had a Florida phone book, I would just look up the number for the local Comcast office. FYI, the operator's don't appreciate either irony or sarcasm.) Anyway, back I went to 1-800- you are screwed.

Eventually, somewhere around hour two, I did manage to reach the Florida office, and, after punching and listening to the same thing for the eighty-second time, they told me that I would have to set up a new account since the old account was in a different state, then call PA and have them release her e-mail address, then call Florida back and have them assign the address to the Florida account. (I was beginning to realize why people went to satellite TV, got a hotmail account, and sat at Starbuck's with their laptops where the wireless is free). I guess nobody told these people that THEY ALL WORK FOR THE SAME COMPANY!!!!! Oh, and by the way, we would have to go through the whole process again in the spring. Charming.

Anyway, two days and two thousand hours spent on the phone with Comcast in FLorida and Pennsylvania later, the Comcast guy showed up to install the cable modem in the condo (and almost got himself pitched into the ocean from a fourth floor balcony by my father who didn't quite get the difference between internet modem and wireless modem), my mother got a hotmail account (courtesy of my sister and her ability to control my mother's computer by remote control), and I unplugged my phone and began looking up sanitariums that didn't have cable, internet or e-mail addresses.