Would You Believe It If I Told You....

Pool service people think I'm dumb. There can be no other explanation for the lame excuses they have consistently given me for our heater not working.

Excuse#1: the wind
It keeps blowing out the pilot light. Yeah, must be that gale force wind we have blowing daily through the neighborhood. You know, the one that picks up houses and drops them on people wearing ruby slippers.

Besides, the heater is in an enclosed space. Aha! They seize on this detail like it's the last truffle in the Godiva box. That's why the wind is blowing it out. It can't go through the area, so it gets trapped in that enclosed space and just keeps going back and forth, back and forth, subjecting the pilot light to an inescapable barrage of air.

Okay, so how exactly does the wind get in there in the first place? Does it climb over the fence, or perhaps it stops short of the fence, then executes a series of ninety degree turns to gain access. Gee, you'd think if it was smart enough to get in, it could figure out how to get out.

Excuse #2: the thermostat
The actual pool temperature is too close to the preset temperature for it to turn the heater on. Yeah. Seventy-five is real close to ninety-two (I don't think of it as a pool so much as a giant hot tub).

I'm glad these people aren't doctors. I can see it now: "No need to worry. Your temperature is only 102. That's not anywhere near 104, which would be dangerous. Just go home and relax. Hey, maybe your thermometer is broken!"

Then again, perhaps I'm just imagining the blue skin and goosebumps the size of baseballs.

And finally, excuse #3: the control panel isn't working
You mean the thing that gives the date, time and temperature? The think that controls the lights, filter pump and cleaner? That thing? Nope. Working fine. How do I know? Well, when I press the filter pump button, the pump works, and when I press the buttons for the lights, they come on. Oh, and the date and time are correct. Now, I'm no rocket scientist, but I'd say that means it is working.

Any more excuses? No? Fresh out? Gosh, and I was so enjoying our little game.

Fortunately, our new pool company has not tried to fob me off with those same old dumb excuses. When I called them last week about the heater not working, they came right out, looked at it and figured out a way to resolve the problem quickly and easily...replace the heater!

I'm sorry I asked.