The Lady or the Tiger

When I was little, I read a story called "The Lady or the Tiger" in which a young man had to choose one of two doors to open. Behind one was a beautiful woman whom he would immediately wed. Behind the other, a half-starved, man-eating tiger. This week, Verizon was that young man, and they were about to poke the tiger.

Two weeks ago when we lost our phone service, I called Verizon and was told the soonest they could send someone out would be the following Thursday between 8am and 5pm.

Thursday, I received a pre-recorded message saying that regrettably, they were unable to keep the scheduled appointment and would have to reschedule for Friday between 8am and 5pm. They knew my time was valuable, so please make sure that someone was home for the technician in case they needed to get into the house. Honestly, they didn't sound the least bit regretful. Poke, poke.

Nor did it seem like they valued my time if they expected me to sit around for two full days waiting for someone who never showed up.

That's nine hours each day, eighteen hours total that I was supposed to become a prisoner under house arrest by Verizon. 1080 minutes that I obviously had nothing better to do with my time than sit arount waiting for the doorbell to ring and God help me if I happened to be in the bathroom at the time because then they would have to reschedule! Which they did anyway. Poke, poke, poke.

At 5:15 when they failed to show up or even call this time, I called them, and, after yelling, "Agent" into the phone two dozen times, I got to speak with Cherize. She tried to placate me by telling me that the technician was still out, they worked until 7, so my repair would still be done...probably. So why was I told 8-5? What happened if I left at 5 and they came out at, say, 5:01? Did I have to reschedule, or did they come down the chimney like Santa, repair my phone, eat my cookies and hot cocoa and then ascend back up the chimney?

I demanded to speak to a supervisor.

Not even bothering to conceal her relief at getting rid of me, Cherize informed me that she would have one of them call me back within two hours. Pardon me? Call me back? Was she kidding?!!? How many people's lives was Verizon screwing up that a whole team of supervisors was going to be tied up for the next two hours with disgruntled customers? That has to be some kind of record. Big poke.

Well, evidently, they were more screwed up than Cherize realized, because three hours later, I still hadn't been called back. It actually took three days for the supervisor to call me back. But I get ahead of myself.

Friday night, I called back, again, and got someone even less helpful than Cherize, who told me that all the supervisors had gone home for the day.

Gritting my teeth, I asked what hours the supervisors worked. She didn't know.
Well, if she didn't kmow what their hours were, how did she know they'd all gone home? Uh....
Furthermore, if there were no supervisors, who was in charge? Who did she call in case of emergency? Umm...the dispatcher?
So you have a dispatcher who is in charge? No.
Then why would you call her? Because it says to.
Fine. Let me speak to the dispatcher. I can't
Why? I'm supposed to say that a supervisor will call you back.
But they won't. So let me speak to the dispatcher.
They're not in charge. Then who is in charge? Umm...

And so we came full circle. I eventually had to give up, but not before Janelle was as frustated as I was. Huge poke.

By Saturday, I no longer believed anyone would show up, ever, and I was right. At 3:39, I again got the pre-recorded, "we're sorry but... So I called, and this time, wonder of wonders, I actually got a supervisor (a mistake on their part, I'm sure).

No, we were still scheduled for Saturday, she assured me. Then why did I get the recorded message? She didn't know(go figure). Maybe she knew why I'd been bumped for the last three days? Medical emergencies. Really? That many, huh? Fine. I have a medical emergency. If my phone is not fixed, MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE!!!!! Is that enough of a medical emergency for you?

Apparently, it wasn't, because not only didn't anyone show up on Saturday, they never even scheduled us for Sunday, and when I looked up our trouble ticket online, I found we had been rescheduled for Tuesday!!! Arrgh!!! Enormous, humungous poke.

Monday morning, bright and early, I was once again on the phone. By now, I had talked to Larry, Moe, Curley, Dopey, Unhelpful and Cranky, but I was undaunted.

This new operator told me that I was definitely having my phone repaired that day . Yeah, I'm sure the guy was going to show up...right after Elvis stopped by for a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich.

No, no, she assured me. This was the first day a work ticket actually went out, so we really were on the schedule. The next sound she heard was a loud pop as my head finally exploded.

At 5:30, as I was putting away groceries (no way was I sitting home one more minute), a guy from Verizon knocked on my door. Was it actually the repair guy coming to restore our service? No. It was a member of the sales team canvassing the neighborhood offering a special promotion if we would switch our cable and internet to Verizon along with our phone service.

Guess who he found behind the door. The Lady or the Tiger?