Green Is Not My Color

I have decided to become more green. I recycle, I bought those reusable tote bags at the grocery store, I pay bills online. And it is the last one that has come back to bite me.

About a year ago, I signed up for Comcast's automatic bill pay. Each month, they charge my credit card, and I don't have to do a thing. Easy and good for the environment, right?

Not with Comcast.

First, they said it would take a month or more to kick in, so I should pay the bill until that happened.

So you notify me when it happens? Nope.

I can check online and see when it happens? Nope.

I can't see when my bill is paid?

Well, yes, but only after the due date. You see, payment is due on the 19th, but we don't bill credit cards until the 23rd.

So I'm late every month?

Only technically, but it doesn't count since you have a grace period of ten days.

Okay, so basically what you are telling me is that I should pay until...what, I see a credit for a double payment, and then not worry about late fees? Yep.

All right, and your name again? Just so I know what to call the voodoo doll I will be sticking pins in.

But finally, the day came when billing and payments caught up with each other. Ahhh. for once, someone at Comcast knew what they were talking about. Sort of. And yet, not really, because I was still receiving a paper statement each month. So how exactly was this being green?

Once again, I got online and found out that they were now offering an "Ecco bill" option where you could choose not to receive the paper statement.

So I signed up and had a few months of living the dream of being green.

Until the other day when I got a call from Comcast telling me they were going to shut off service for non-payment.

Excuse me? If I wasn't paying why was I seeing a charge on my credit card statement? What was that, a donation to the Comcast TGIF party fund?

Maybe there was a problem with my card, the woman in the billing department at Comcast suggested. Nope

Had I changed any info on the account lately? Nope.

Did I forget to update my account info when my old credit card expired? Nope.

Well then, why wasn't my bill paid?

Gee, I don't know. This is a real puzzler. If only I could speak to someone in the billing department at Comcast, maybe we could figure this out. Oh, wait a minute. You work in the billing department at Comcast. You have all my credit card info. You people choose when to bill me (or not as the case may be). I don't get to choose when you bill me, it is just supposed to happen every month. Automatically. Hence the "automatic payment option" on your website.

Oh, yes. I get what you are saying, she finally admitted. We bill your credit card, so there is no reason why this shouldn't have been paid last month.

Hey, you graduated top of your class from Harvard, didn't you?

After the Hallelujah chorus from the heavenly choir died down, we got a supervisor involved who came up with an explanation--sort of.

Comcast recently switched to a third-party billing system, and apparently, I got caught in a "glitch" where it was only going to bill me every other month.

Oh, so what you're saying is that Comcast, not satisfied that they were screwing people's lives up enough with their total disregard for any customer service whatsoever had decided to get help in that department by bringing in another totally inept organization. Good call.

And the best part? This new organization goes by the name "Smart Zone". Ha!!!

So, how do you fix this, I inquired.

"Well, we don't," she said. "You do."

I do? I do? I do? And just how am I supposed to do that? Write a check every month, perhaps? Or maybe I should just call these "smart" people every month and remind them to charge my card?

"Oh no," she said, obviously missing the sarcasm dripping from each syllable. "Just go online and sign up again for the automatic bill payment each month. That should fix it."

Should? You don't know how to fix it? You're guessing here? And how do I know if this will work?

Will you notify me? Nope.

Will I be able to see it online? Nope

I can't see if my bill is being paid? Well.....

Okay, and your name again...

Kermit was right. It's not easy being green.