Allow Me To Introduce My Wife

Five years ago, I became blond (courtesy of a makeover). Before that, I was a brunette with lots of reddish highlights (courtesy of CVS and Miss Clairol). Before that, I was gray (courtesy of Mother Nature). And before that, I was a minor (courtesy of my mother--I just had to inherit the premature gray instead of the thin thighs. I really won that spin of the genetic wheel).

At first, this sudden change caused great confusion (I also lost over two feet in length as part of the same makeover). Tim let me walk right past him before doing a double-take the first time he saw me (good to know that after fifteen years, I could still surprise him).

The best reaction though, came from an employee at one of our favorite restaurants.

Approaching the table where we were holding hands, he greeted us, then pretty much turned his back on me to inquire frostily of Tim, "How's your wife ?"

Perplexed, Tim nodded his head toward me and said, "This is Ann."

"Nice to meet you, Ann," Ron clipped out over his shoulder, apparently believing Tim was clever enough to find a girlfriend with the same name as his wife. "So, where's your wife ,Ann, tonight?"

If possible, Ron's tone had grown even chillier and a bit more belligerent. Rarely at a loss for words (okay, never), Tim simply stared at him, jaws agape.

Barely able to contain my amusement, and afraid the situation might become physical, I interrupted. "Ron, it's me, Ann."

"Yes. I know. Nice to meet you." Head down, eyes locked firmly on Tim (clearly, someone had aced Intimidation 101), he still wouldn't look at me.

"My wife , Ann," Tim rallied, choking back the laughter, as he nudged Ron to look in my direction.

Aha! You could almost see the light bulb switching on over his head.

Thoroughly embarrassed now, Ron apologized profusely. He even sent over a bottle of champagne although I assured him I was pleased rather than offended by his reaction (It's good to know who your friends are, although now Tim knows where not to go if he ever does decide to have an affair).

Anyway, after five years of being blond and reintroducing myself to people all over again, you can imagine my shock when, last Friday, I went to the hair salon for a touch up (you know, to keep that "natural" look), and came out as a brunette (The only thing worse would have been coming out with a recreation of my big '80's perm. Then, I would have had to find a store that sold tops with huge shoulder pads instead of just a hat.).

To be continued.....