Three Times is the Charm

My ipod nano died last week, so I decided to upgrade to the itouch and have some fun. Apple seemed to think I needed exercise instead.

Monday, I went to the store, which was, as usual, jammed. First, I talked to somebody in an orange shirt, but they told me I needed to register with somebody in a blue shirt, who told me he would have somebody in an orange shirt help me.

Okay, since I was already talking to an orange guy, why did I need the blue guy again? Gee, I remember the good old days when you could walk into a store and get help from anyone regardless of the color shirt they were wearing.

But, I followed protocol and was assigned an orange guy, only not the original orange guy who had led me to the blue guy. Oh no, another orange guy who had to come from across the store. (Was it something I said?)

I explained to new orange guy that I wanted the itouch and a case. Did they have one with a clip?

He shook his head regretfully as he led me over to an entire wall filled with nothing but cases and told me no.

No? Seriously, you have, hmmm, let's see, one, two, three...six million different cases here and not one for the itouch with a clip? It never occurred to anyone that like every other ipod in here, someone, somewhere, someday, might want to attach their itouch to them?

"Well, you could put it in your pocket," he offered helpfully.

Wow. My pocket. And how many engineers did it take to come up with that solution? I continued to scan the endless collection of cases, sure that this guy just had to be wrong, as I threw a withering glance in his direction.

"What about this one?" I asked, tapping a leather case.

"No, that's only for the iphone."

"Okay, how about this one?" I pointed to another likely candidate.

"That's for the old itouch. You have the new one, but here's the one I use," he volunteered, handing me a silicone sleeve. "I love it."

Yeah, because you have pockets. Accepting defeat, I took his suggestion, purchased my itouch and left, shaking my head in disbelief.

The next morning, after charging my new toy, I successfully downloaded my music, but couldn't download my photos.

Time and time again, my new touch told me it was "syncing", but failed to do so. I tried resetting, I clicked on every possible option and button they offered. I even tried to download the new 2.2.1 program they told me I needed. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

I looked online for help. I watched tutorials. Still nothing. Nada. Zip. But I now knew more about the itouch than I ever wanted to, and frankly, I'm a little bit worried that I may have had to get rid of some vital information, like the names of the top ten finalists on American Idol to make room for all that new information.

Gritting my teeth over the pain I knew it would cause me, I turned to my final resort...the helpline.

Miracle of miracles though, the Apple helpline was...helpful. Within a few minutes, the woman was able to tell me that Mr. orange guy had sold me an ipod that not only had some problems, but that it didn't even have the latest programs installed. She made me an appointment for that afternoon and suggested I return it for a new one. Done.

So once again, I trudged back to the mall and fought my way through the crowd to the help desk, where a blue girl told me I needed to check in with an orange girl with a laptop in order to be sent back to the help desk where somebody blue would help me. Arrrrrgh! And what color shirt should I see for the newvous breakdown I am about to have?

Within a relatively short period of time though, I had my new "updated" ipod and was about to be happily on my way when blue girl told me that my case was not designed for that model touch and I would be unable to use earphones with it. Arrrgh and Grrrr!!!!

Did I still have the box? Yes? Good, then just bring it back and exchange it. I began scoping out the store looking for the orange guy from the day before, but luck was on his side and he wasn't there. I had thought of a new place for his ipod besides in his pocket and wanted to share it with him.

And so, back I went on the third day to exchange my case. This time, I bypassed the orange, the blue and the help desk and went straight to the case wall on my own. After searching for a while(let's just say I was thinking of changing my name to Rip Van Winkle when I was done), I finally saw what I was looking for...the Holy Grail...an itouch case for my generation itouch with.....wonder of wonders, a clip!

Hah! Take that, orange people.

I seized the next person I came across and, refusing to buy into their colored shirt fixation, shoved my receipt under their nose. I told them I was exchanging one case for another and gave them the evil eye when it looked like they might try and palm me off on another "color". Fortunately for them, they backed down and quickly made the exchange.

As I left with my new itouch snuggled into it's new clip case, I paused to wipe a tear from my eye, sad that I would have no reason to visit for a fourth day in a row.